I have felt a hardened heart lately. I'm back at school, the place where being back felt so great for a short while. But then I was reminded of the dissapointments that lay here, the opportunities I have missed, and the ones I am surely going to miss in the future. My friend said it well, I just don't care lately, or i care to much, one or the other. I dont feel I have been trusting God because I'm not letting him do his thing, I bow out of situations, put my head down and walk away. I waiting for the next best thing, waiting instead of trusting that God's hand is guiding. I feel that I am just going around occupying space. I miss Hazel alot. I dream about her often. I can never really remember what the dreams are about, just that she is in them. I feel like a fake. Jacki Hartman tried to talk to me today and I had nothing to say to her, she asked me questions about myself and I couldn't be honest. I forget about the poor, and am focused on preserving of the self. This leads me into sadness and despair. I don't like it here. I have been writing song, and have been telling myself that I really care about voice, but I find myself talking with half a heart. Things need to change.