Reality

If your lookin for a means to an end your gonna get their
but not any further
Because, everything that everyones ever told you is a lie
And you know, you kno the truth, but can't seem to imply it,
on your friends and everyone. That's makin you sick and tired
They just can't see that your the one that's suppose to be admired

Cuz you've got plans
And they've got smiles

Your So scared of missin out
That it's all in your head
you go to an unkown place with a secret wish
Thatd you skim right rhough and shed come to

Because you didn't have the time, had to leave that stupid fantasy behind
Trying to get home to fast
And leave behind the past
Can't stand the killing of another, another day,
the same way
Walkin but sittin down, with a scene in your head that you've already found.

Won't say a word to anyone that could come up in here and destroy this run
Cuz they will try and pick a part of me
So they can own me and disown me
if you don't like me you can get out of the way
I'm gonna punch you in the ^^^^^^ face anyway

Tanzania

Walking away backwards from a friend who keeps on coming by, you don't think much of it because of the way she says hi. Walking backwards towards a friend you wanna make. You keep on going back to fix all your mistakes. And it seems like you've never won.
But this is it again
So go to bed
Charge your batteries
Your almost dead, just rest your head
You figure something out with every word
and the outcomes will never be absurd
Look you've both made it so far, your both in the car. With future kisses that won't go far.
I like the way she looks at me
And I can plainly see where meant to be
From far across the sea
So I can leave everything behind
And in all this madness I'll find
A way to stay here
A way to stay here
A way to stay here
A way to stay clear away from you and everything you put me through. You tried to pick a part of me. Just lift me up and dangled me.
You ^^^^^^ me up stupid
And made me look like a doll
You threw me away. ^^^^. Now I wanna die
I'm all alone
A joke without a home
A ^^^^^^^ stone.
Pour the sadness into me
Pouring over my coffee
Why couldn't they just let me be
Why'd they have to change the key
to go home man, cuz it's over
say no man, your almost over

Choice

I am a chamellion trying to shed snake skin
Slithering from state to state with memory to erase
But it remains through the changing chords
Because it's better to be tired than stable
My eyes droop from my face yanked down by your every move.
Lookin to fulfill my sweet tooth. Your my candy. Give me brandy so I can hate myself again.
Sayin shit I don't mean. These nights don't mean a thing.

As I sit in pain at the end of the day I know that it's the only way. talking less but saying more.
For good things I will endure. I'll never know what could have been. A ticket to anywhere was provided and I was countin on it to feed me a satisfying grin. But the man came for me and asked me to enjoy the show playing tonight.

Another day

All smiles choked up about the sun
And all the battles that you've won
Until your dead tired

Wondering about how I'm gonna fix this situation
And every little thing I do could be wrong
I'm trying to create the perfect song for you
And I wish I smoked ciggarrettes like you do
I try to step like you, but can't seem to make it through
any situation that includes anticipation of what could happen

And I find. I wasted all my time when I stayed on the line.
She said she liked you with her eyes. But still you act surprised.
Your love faded away as you lived the day You find again your not ok
But still theirs another day

Jugarknot Man

Jugarknot Man

Walking away backwards from a friend who keeps on coming by,
don't think much of it because of the way she says hi. Walking backwards towards a friend you wanna make. You keep on going back to fix all your mistakes. And it seems like you've never won.
But this is it again
So go to bed
charge your batteries
Your almost dead, Just rest your head
You figure something out with every word
And the outcomes will never be absurd
Look you've made it so far
Your both in the car. With future kisses that won't go far

I like the way she looks at me
And I can plainly see we were meant to be
from far across the sea
So I can leave everything behind
And in all this madness I'll find
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.

A way to stay clear. away from you and everything you put me through. You tried to pick a part of me. Just lift me up and dangled me.
Paint the sadness into me
Pouring over my coffee
Why couldn't they just let me be
For awhile their I was happy

I thought madness was a part of me
But it's sadness that belongs to me
As I ride away to another key

Let's go man cuz it's over
Say no man your almost over
You know man nothing at all
Hello man give me a call
Put all things to rest and do what we do best
Live another day
Live another day
Live another day
Its another day
Your here to stay

Life

Find myself feeling pretty "something", "normal" I don't know. Usually when I'm alone I am scheming for something great. But lately I haven't been acting on that, and not among people socially either, I don't think at least. It feels settling but mundane as well, like somethings missing, but something isn't. I feel like their is a day coming were I will need to be exuberant and impressive, but right now I don't really care, I like being myself, and I'm growing tired of trying to shine above the rest. I'm still very nervous and find myself being frightened by the elements of this world, girls, jobs, friends, loneliness, family, the pressure of days. The pressure of days has deeply affected me in my life, and even though I think I have come such a long ways since college started, from one year to the next, I am still incredibly insecure. But God helps me still, according to the measure of faith he has given me. I wonder what makes me so scared though, I'm fragile beyond measure. Jesus is amazing. I don't write this journal because I'm upset with my state, although I am to some degree, just being honest with myself and realizing this brings to light for me how amazing Jesus really is. My friend Jeff Ballard always use to say to me man it seems like you always have it all together and I tell him, "No man I was scared shitless." And then I proceed to tell him the same, that I'm amazed by what he does, and he says "Dude I don't know what I'm doing either, I'm a nervous wreck to." We both follow Jesus and it finally makes sense, people aren't making it up when the say they have no clue what they are doing, they don't, but Jesus does. I think I'm making this sound to easy though. Lately I have felt like an expired gallon of milk that the family is still drinking out of, because it tastes ok.

Softball Team

Our softball team lost both of it's game in a double elimination tournament today. We had a couple of battles losing the first game 11-6 and losing the second game 11-12 in a extra innings thriller. It was a solid team effort, we all had our spectacular moments and we all had our fair share of mistakes'. Lately I have pondered the difference between success and failure. It's so easy to get tied up in winning and losing in softball because when the games over we get immediate results, a Final score. I find myself continuously throughout my life believing in Final scores. It's really a place where I feel torn as a human being because winning and losing is a big part of life, but unlike sports, in my daily life I can't always see final scores. So it's much harder to decipher what I am losing and what I am gaining. I find myself wishing that their were final scores for everything because then I would simply know who I am, and where I stand. Just think if we really did have personal final scores already, would their be reason to change, would progress be made, we got the job done already and that's all that matters, right? Then how come I have walked away feeling empty from what seemingly was obvious success. You know, we lost the game today, but I felt more like a champion walking away from that field. So I will leave it to White Men Can't Jump. "Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs."