Late Night Serenity

I decided to do a post and read some blogs instead of my usual check face book quick and get off the internet. Im not sure if I really have anything to write. But thats a lie of course I do. This holiday season I find myself a little more peaceful, and with a little more voice. I feel like Im in that limbo ground right now where Im fond and for the path I am on, but at the same time Im still waiting for some kind of big wave to wash over me. I don't believe in waves though, and Im finding freewill to be the reassuring presence in my life. I have seen so many more signs of grace from people in my life, family, friends and acquaintances. I have also found that the only person that can live the life I want to live is me, needing approval from anyone else is an excuse to not be bold. Now I could go on and talk about the life I want to live, but that's meaningless, might as well live it. I cant think of anything else I want to tell you blog. Goodnight.

Anything

I am in the show broadway and beyond right now. Also staying busy with half hearted attempts at homework, and the chasings of the wind from day to day. I've decided that killing my emotions isn't a good thing. I realize as I get older this is something that I do, i think everyone does, but it I feel it at a higher degree now. So today I told more people about how I felt. Some of it propaganda and hidden agenda but through it all and all good intentioned. I'm begginning to realize that anything but an honest life isn't something that I can fathom to live long term. Some times I just want to cover up in a protective blanket, and go to sleep on my feelings, but I can't do that anymore, my heart won't let me. Colin Koth and I have been getting together talking movie script for my senior project, it should be fun! I feel like we should set a dateline for our activity though, or meeting times at the very least. I have been getting to no Naomi a little better, few times hanging out but it seems like things haven't fit well with timing lately, that's cool though, I'm going to keep trying. I tried out for all my sons, that was good, one of myf avorite tryouts and think I had one of my best readings. How do i feel, let me try and explain that one, well I'm not like really happy or satisfied, I'm needing to leanr more patience i think, im kind of excited about each day though, that's a strength, i'm excited about everything I've talked about, I feel like these experiences are challenging my sensibilities, part of me though still wonders why its here and what my place is in the world, who am i here to help, benefit, lots of questions...guess I'll figure it out as i go, or just go.

A Friend

Coldly numb to the happenings of now
Within the groves of the favouring hand
Laughin at the newfound lies
It's a battle on the inside
don't know what to hide
Or let be known
the man has plans that don't include what I want
And he brings me near things that taunt who I am not
This is the experience sought
To be more near
the encompassing fear
So when I go home
I know I'm not alone

Ready or Not

I'm Ready to leave you.
So Trust me. Trust me enough to know me
Know me. Know me. Know me.
You see I talk to myself all the time
Please don't shut me down girl
I'm lost and alone talking but your still around
You say it's magic you've found
We could drive away from this place, and not state the case
Cuz Can't you see I'm still smiling
and the pain is gone when your around
But we're runnin out of time
I'll hold you forever but you only got one last chance to come with
Or it's me waving goodbye to you from a cold bench
So Trust me. Trust me to know me.
Know me enough to Trust me.
Trust you enough to know me.
Know me.

I have felt a hardened heart lately. I'm back at school, the place where being back felt so great for a short while. But then I was reminded of the dissapointments that lay here, the opportunities I have missed, and the ones I am surely going to miss in the future. My friend said it well, I just don't care lately, or i care to much, one or the other. I dont feel I have been trusting God because I'm not letting him do his thing, I bow out of situations, put my head down and walk away. I waiting for the next best thing, waiting instead of trusting that God's hand is guiding. I feel that I am just going around occupying space. I miss Hazel alot. I dream about her often. I can never really remember what the dreams are about, just that she is in them. I feel like a fake. Jacki Hartman tried to talk to me today and I had nothing to say to her, she asked me questions about myself and I couldn't be honest. I forget about the poor, and am focused on preserving of the self. This leads me into sadness and despair. I don't like it here. I have been writing song, and have been telling myself that I really care about voice, but I find myself talking with half a heart. Things need to change.

Reality

If your lookin for a means to an end your gonna get their
but not any further
Because, everything that everyones ever told you is a lie
And you know, you kno the truth, but can't seem to imply it,
on your friends and everyone. That's makin you sick and tired
They just can't see that your the one that's suppose to be admired

Cuz you've got plans
And they've got smiles

Your So scared of missin out
That it's all in your head
you go to an unkown place with a secret wish
Thatd you skim right rhough and shed come to

Because you didn't have the time, had to leave that stupid fantasy behind
Trying to get home to fast
And leave behind the past
Can't stand the killing of another, another day,
the same way
Walkin but sittin down, with a scene in your head that you've already found.

Won't say a word to anyone that could come up in here and destroy this run
Cuz they will try and pick a part of me
So they can own me and disown me
if you don't like me you can get out of the way
I'm gonna punch you in the ^^^^^^ face anyway

Tanzania

Walking away backwards from a friend who keeps on coming by, you don't think much of it because of the way she says hi. Walking backwards towards a friend you wanna make. You keep on going back to fix all your mistakes. And it seems like you've never won.
But this is it again
So go to bed
Charge your batteries
Your almost dead, just rest your head
You figure something out with every word
and the outcomes will never be absurd
Look you've both made it so far, your both in the car. With future kisses that won't go far.
I like the way she looks at me
And I can plainly see where meant to be
From far across the sea
So I can leave everything behind
And in all this madness I'll find
A way to stay here
A way to stay here
A way to stay here
A way to stay clear away from you and everything you put me through. You tried to pick a part of me. Just lift me up and dangled me.
You ^^^^^^ me up stupid
And made me look like a doll
You threw me away. ^^^^. Now I wanna die
I'm all alone
A joke without a home
A ^^^^^^^ stone.
Pour the sadness into me
Pouring over my coffee
Why couldn't they just let me be
Why'd they have to change the key
to go home man, cuz it's over
say no man, your almost over

Choice

I am a chamellion trying to shed snake skin
Slithering from state to state with memory to erase
But it remains through the changing chords
Because it's better to be tired than stable
My eyes droop from my face yanked down by your every move.
Lookin to fulfill my sweet tooth. Your my candy. Give me brandy so I can hate myself again.
Sayin shit I don't mean. These nights don't mean a thing.

As I sit in pain at the end of the day I know that it's the only way. talking less but saying more.
For good things I will endure. I'll never know what could have been. A ticket to anywhere was provided and I was countin on it to feed me a satisfying grin. But the man came for me and asked me to enjoy the show playing tonight.

Another day

All smiles choked up about the sun
And all the battles that you've won
Until your dead tired

Wondering about how I'm gonna fix this situation
And every little thing I do could be wrong
I'm trying to create the perfect song for you
And I wish I smoked ciggarrettes like you do
I try to step like you, but can't seem to make it through
any situation that includes anticipation of what could happen

And I find. I wasted all my time when I stayed on the line.
She said she liked you with her eyes. But still you act surprised.
Your love faded away as you lived the day You find again your not ok
But still theirs another day

Jugarknot Man

Jugarknot Man

Walking away backwards from a friend who keeps on coming by,
don't think much of it because of the way she says hi. Walking backwards towards a friend you wanna make. You keep on going back to fix all your mistakes. And it seems like you've never won.
But this is it again
So go to bed
charge your batteries
Your almost dead, Just rest your head
You figure something out with every word
And the outcomes will never be absurd
Look you've made it so far
Your both in the car. With future kisses that won't go far

I like the way she looks at me
And I can plainly see we were meant to be
from far across the sea
So I can leave everything behind
And in all this madness I'll find
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.
a way to stay here.

A way to stay clear. away from you and everything you put me through. You tried to pick a part of me. Just lift me up and dangled me.
Paint the sadness into me
Pouring over my coffee
Why couldn't they just let me be
For awhile their I was happy

I thought madness was a part of me
But it's sadness that belongs to me
As I ride away to another key

Let's go man cuz it's over
Say no man your almost over
You know man nothing at all
Hello man give me a call
Put all things to rest and do what we do best
Live another day
Live another day
Live another day
Its another day
Your here to stay

Life

Find myself feeling pretty "something", "normal" I don't know. Usually when I'm alone I am scheming for something great. But lately I haven't been acting on that, and not among people socially either, I don't think at least. It feels settling but mundane as well, like somethings missing, but something isn't. I feel like their is a day coming were I will need to be exuberant and impressive, but right now I don't really care, I like being myself, and I'm growing tired of trying to shine above the rest. I'm still very nervous and find myself being frightened by the elements of this world, girls, jobs, friends, loneliness, family, the pressure of days. The pressure of days has deeply affected me in my life, and even though I think I have come such a long ways since college started, from one year to the next, I am still incredibly insecure. But God helps me still, according to the measure of faith he has given me. I wonder what makes me so scared though, I'm fragile beyond measure. Jesus is amazing. I don't write this journal because I'm upset with my state, although I am to some degree, just being honest with myself and realizing this brings to light for me how amazing Jesus really is. My friend Jeff Ballard always use to say to me man it seems like you always have it all together and I tell him, "No man I was scared shitless." And then I proceed to tell him the same, that I'm amazed by what he does, and he says "Dude I don't know what I'm doing either, I'm a nervous wreck to." We both follow Jesus and it finally makes sense, people aren't making it up when the say they have no clue what they are doing, they don't, but Jesus does. I think I'm making this sound to easy though. Lately I have felt like an expired gallon of milk that the family is still drinking out of, because it tastes ok.

Softball Team

Our softball team lost both of it's game in a double elimination tournament today. We had a couple of battles losing the first game 11-6 and losing the second game 11-12 in a extra innings thriller. It was a solid team effort, we all had our spectacular moments and we all had our fair share of mistakes'. Lately I have pondered the difference between success and failure. It's so easy to get tied up in winning and losing in softball because when the games over we get immediate results, a Final score. I find myself continuously throughout my life believing in Final scores. It's really a place where I feel torn as a human being because winning and losing is a big part of life, but unlike sports, in my daily life I can't always see final scores. So it's much harder to decipher what I am losing and what I am gaining. I find myself wishing that their were final scores for everything because then I would simply know who I am, and where I stand. Just think if we really did have personal final scores already, would their be reason to change, would progress be made, we got the job done already and that's all that matters, right? Then how come I have walked away feeling empty from what seemingly was obvious success. You know, we lost the game today, but I felt more like a champion walking away from that field. So I will leave it to White Men Can't Jump. "Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs."

I'm a poet and I didn't even know it

Hiding my fears in a system that plans it's liberation. We're only living on vacation. Scared to grow and not comforted by secular noise. I step out the box to see what the future employs. Believing in Gods all I have. So i continue down the trail, in secret hope that I don't fail. This is where the truth unveils. And I'm not impressed. But at least I confessed, I needed you more than you needed me. it was magic meeting new creation. The creator brought to me what I'd been chasing. Fresh and new and scary feelings came. Jesus taught me more about my name. An unbeliever for so long. Finally believing in his song.

Lunch

People Coming round while I'm sittin at the table. Talkin, sittin, bein, I'm completely able. Make some shit up to create the new. I wish I could make all your dreams come true. But your you and I'm me. I do my part. Why is it I think I can complete you. Partaking in shitty read through. No, go ahead, sit back, be quiet. Don't be a fantasy compliant. Quit dreamin about livin, and start livin in your dreams. This moment is not as queer as it seems. Because where building towards the future and letting our guards down. So don't go for the kill, and hold onto the big punch. This is just one round, enjoy your lunch.

I meant to be with people
But don't want to understand
What he does with his mighty hand
I have my own shit and things to do
He can talk to me when he wants to make me cool
He slaps me in the face again and again
Throwing me illusions and taking them again
But my music comes back after a time or two
Of thinking and thinking and thinking it through
So why is it you so badly want my sole
Because right now I feel a empty whole
It feels I'm already meant to be as I am
I'm man

So I feel that art is awesome, because you have the opportunity to create what you want to create. And you don't have to care about whether it sells or not. u could work a job painting the rest of your life and make art on the side forever, get an easy low paying job that's clever. Judy and me made rhymes on the deck today and we had a nice walk and talk that I enjoyed so much. I wrote a story today and plan on filming it whenever. I Have been trying to find balance for so long, but I think art is more about just doing now. It isn't really something you should have to think about or question, unless you really want to. I'm startin to realize their are things that appeal to me that I have wanted to make lately but have been hesitant because of end result thinking and outside product people thinking. These are illusions that really don't exist like I heard Michael Jordan say in his Hall of Fame speech. I have been listenin to Saul Williams and Elliot Smith, they are so awesome. A big realization for me was that I like them, but I'm not them, not in any way, the only way an end product would sound anything like them and be something I enjoyed would be if it was really meant to be, and then their is really no explanation about that. I love their lyrics, they are meaningful and I believe we are hearing an artist striving and seeking their true voice, and enjoying themselves in it, whether their songs are happy or sad.

Lots of Lies

Teacher Preacher? Why do you keep on?

The Doors Shutting Swiftly down the halls
while painting with the manic scene drums
your switching speeds until the heal comes
because your bored until special words
this syndromes not a choice
Think? its your real voice

Teacher Preacher? Why do you keep on
Teacher Preacher? Why do you keep on

Days full of erasers and chalk
Starting over in every room
Leaving yesterday behind
Cuz yesterday don't go away
Your safe haven might last awhile
So lie to me you stupid pile
Emotionless faces standing in an unknown Place
And your friends make you taste sweet smiles

Teacher Preacher? Why do you keep on
Teacher Preacher? Why do yo keep on
Teacher Preacher? Why do I keep on

Page to Stage

I did page to stage this week with Kim Bartling this week. Page to Stage is theatre at Mckennen Park here in Sioux Falls. The audience consisted of small kids,parents, grandparents, but mostly kids. We worked are asses off and it was worth it. The result of our product was a happy audience and a cast that learned to lean and grow with each other. The people in the cast were Erika Woodward, Dominique Schuller, David Boe, Brad Hartzler, and Brandon Goodwin. I am so incredibly lucky to get to work with these talented people. I think I am a little more confident and have learned to work harder through these people. I realized this week that one of my big flaws is that I am all about big moments, I will build something up in my head as important and wait for the time to come to act on whatever I have decided is important. This results in bottled up worry that is eventually released, and the outcome and feeling of my self worth depends on what happens through whatever ensuing action happens. I used to think I was scared to become, but I think now more I am just scared to be. My goal is to quit looking for that next hint, that next sign to further my destiny. I am not saying that I want to control my passion to live, but I want to let my passion live in a state of realism. Realism is the opposite of what I was explaining before, before my passion was released through created worry that didn't even really exist except for in my own mind, realism is dealing with what really exists, not what might, or could. I'm finding little things are important, but not necessarily the things I think are important. So my goal is to let whatever subject around me is breathe so I can here what it sounds like before I react to it. Sometimes I tend to react to certain situations without consideration for myself, I find that when I consider and get to know myself, I find truth,love,patience,endurance, hugs. I will have to credit these thought to trial and error, walks,and people. I miss my friend Jeff Ballard, haven't seen him for awhile. Speaking of really good friends what a blessing to be able to spend the week with Brad Hartzler. Dude works hard, and is in it for the long hull. He's just fun to be around and it was great to have our relationship grow even more throughout this week. Brad Hartzler is that guy. I feel like I have more to write. Had a good conversation with my mom tonight. She told me to do what makes me happy, it's nice to hear that.

Elliot Smith quote-it might not be exact it's from memory
"Writing safe lyrics that you think people want to here are a really good way to fail, dyings another way."
I recommend listening to any of his music, but especially his song Miss Misery

Endurance

I have been thinking about endurance a lot lately and whether it's meaningful or not. I have always been a 20 yard sprint guy, not just in sports but in life. It's like football, I need that break after every play or I might give up on my task. My focus was heavy on letting things develop before today, and I find my laid back slacker style personality being potentially hazardous. The truth is, is I wish I knew what it felt like to have nothing to do the next day, to sit in one spot or sleep for like a week, maybe longer. This could be because I don't really do what my heart wants so I would rather not move somedays instead of going out to seemingly mundane chores that I call my life. I feel myself trying to break off from where I am at in my life right now like never before. The realization that I am not happy sometimes, makes me happy. When by some divine miracle I am able to muster my way through these unhappy things at the end of a day, it feels good, sometimes. I want to live my life for Jesus, and I feel like that means I have to live my life for me, because their is only one me, why would I be here to live someone else life. I do feel the invisible pressures from forces here on earth, I hate it. I want to be free.

Visionary

This summer I have been tired and distracted, which has lead me to some realizations. My passion for playing baseball is fading away. I am used to joinig all kinds of clubs in hopes of having fun or helping someone, and it's true that these things do happen, but it wears me out. I would rather commit to something my hearts set on and have that be it. (less is more). I am participating in page to stage childrens theatre with Kim Bartling right now. This has been one of my favorite casts. My favorite cast was Warn which only consisted of 6 people. This cast has 6 as well(Less is more).
All summer I have wanted to make a movie but have been to busy with baseball, theatre, and work. So I think during the school year I won't have a job. My job will consist of being a student and having fun and growing in many facets with a focus on what I truly enjoy. My biggest current goal is to have the endurance to withstand the rest of the summer, Lord give me strength.

Freedom Gas Station Adventures

Today I sat at the freedom gas station eating a Jumbo Frank hot dog, drinking a Dr.Pepper, and eating pringles. There was Paint on my skin, and I was wearing orange shorts and a gray t-shirt. A guy pulls in his car gets out in some nice slacks, button up shirt, and a tie. He starts to fill his gas up and then walks over to me. He says with energy "so are you ready for football." I thought he had mistaken me for a USF football player so I said, "O, I don't play football." He says, "o ya, but are you ready for the NFL it's about to start." So I said, "o ya", because I'm always ready for the season to start. So he says, "are you a Viking fan, do you think Favre is gonna come back." I said, "I don't know I saw something last night that said he might", and he budged in not on purpose and said, "o ya, ya, he's going to come back." Then he said, "where I come from people like the Packers, Bears and Vikings, and it's pretty much the same in South Dakota on the east side, but on the west side of the state people start liking the Chiefs and Broncos,it's like a bisexual state it doesn't know what it wants." So I gave him a genuine laugh adoring the randomness of this situation. I said,"So what are you doing today". He said anxiously "Well I might go home and spray the lawn but I'm not sure if it's ready yet." He then went to finish filling up his gas, walked in paid for his food, came out went to his car and left. I felt like this guy had just put on a show for me. I don't know why he walked up to me, but it was hilarious and made my day.

On the way home riding my bike I saw a person in pink shorts and a pink shirt with headphones on doing a strange dance while walking towards the Tut Hill.

Words of Wisdom: Being willing to risk it all in total acknowledgement that failure is possible.

New Earth

I went to New York City in January. It was a great experience. With that said, I have had one event happen in my life since I came home that has taken me further away. It was during acting rehearsal for the play Warn where I felt completely naked and totally exposed. It wasn't until I accepted my flaws and went on with my big scene that I was able to stomach the moment. I finally entered into the scene and was so awakened that I wanted to run around and scream about how alive I felt. Just something I have been thinking about.

I met a very nice guy named Mike in Chicago at a Thai place where he told me I should order the Panang Curry. He was born in Brazil and lived their until he was twelve where a love for soccer grew in his heart. When he moved to Chicago he originally lived on the south side and is a White Sox fan and isn't fond of the Cubs. He was raised Muslim and Christian. So he takes part in a religion called Baha which is a mix of both. He says spiritual guidance is a good thing and something extra to keep you grounded. I randomly started talking to Mike and treasure the experience we shared. He'd just gotten off work. I didn't catch what his job was. I also met an interesting cab driver who commented on the White Sox vs. Cub rivalry. He said it wasn't really a game but a fight between families. He said the Black hawks winning the Stanley Cup united the two teams fans a little bit but not much. Their was a celebration at wrigley field among Cubs and White Sox Fans and he said you would have thought it was Mecca. He had a crazy laugh that made me laugh uncontrollably because of how ridiculous it was, the man was very calm at the beginning of the ride and had me questioning if he was driving drunk or was on some heavy drugs, maybe his laugh was just insane. I tried to start a conversation with him right when I sat down but he didn't get excited until I started quietly singing to myself about the Cubs. I rode with C.J, Alex M, and Dave M. Dave M knows how to live it up. This dude had double age on all of us and had perhaps the most energy. We had good talks throughout the trip and thoroughly enjoyed heckling each other during the games. C.J is my boy and as he tried to continuously out smart every one we gave him shit continuously. C.J is a good friend, love every minute I get to spend with that guy. Alex and I enjoyed the trip and remembered all the days in high school I stayed at his house. We are brothers.

Once again the theme that is planted in my mind when I am on vacation is finding out what home is all about. When I am at home I can forget what beautiful things are out their. So like in my acting scene I dare myself to seek even further away from home within my own city, to do things that I haven't done before. I want to be naked every day. Not just on my birthday.

Weekend Experience

This weekend I got to spend some good time with my brothers Michael and Perry. We made a Movie about Golfing. Played Baseball. Had a Water Gun Fight. Played Basketball. Wrote a Story involving BIll Murray. These guys live for fun. Perry is his own guy, magnificent young man who likes to have fun, that's why he is a champion. Michael is so creative and has a deep love experiencing new adventures, I can't wait to edit movies with him again. When I was in high school I didn't really know what I wanted, I was pretty sure it was football. But it was obvious to me especially that when I came to college that I wanted to be a good big brother. I believe that having this awesome responsibility is a huge reason for who I am now. I walk through the streets with these two guys in the back of my head constantly. My hope is that I can be as big an inspiration to them as they are to me. Perry played a great bad ass golfer today. And Michael took an awesome camera shot with a zoom out, but it was probably so good because he was taping my face. BRO BRODUCTIONS...PEace!

Leaving the room

Good day. Saw Hazel this morning. I love every minute I get to see her. Ate at Cracker Barrel with Grandpa Don and he filled me up with gas. Went to directing and started to let things fall into place for the play. Mandy Robins made Bill and me a poster for our play that was awesome. Our actors came tonight and rocked it for the dress rehearsal. I am so proud of the growth I have seen in my actors. Especially Crista Vande Pol who on one of the first day of practices told me I might need to find a new actress because she didn’t think she could pull off the roll, she is doing so awesome! Colin Koth gave me the creeps like when watching the Joker during Batman in one of his scenes. Lindsay Reinhardt is like a third party director always on top of things. Nathan Schlatter sleeps a lot but always manages to show up on time. I am jacked for opening night and feel so lucky to be placed in a position to do this show. Bill McLane Ballards my boy and it has been a truly enriching experience to co-direct with him. Dudes got solid work ethic and it’s been fun to learn and watch from him as a director. Had a classic ridiculous conversation with Brad Hartzler at McDonalds’ yesterday. Enough said sweet life!

Find your world

I got to see my Great Grandma Hazel again today who was being entertained by lots of family. I am so lucky to have a Great Grandma that I have been able to spend so much time with growing up. I look at her and it breathes memories of checkers games we've played and great meals Don and Hazel and I ate in Canton at the Angus, Laurie’s, and most recently Luckys. One of my most memorable Hazel stories was that she told me that she got an A on a test in high school and a teacher didn’t believe she could do it. He decided that she must have cheated and ripped the paper up. I love Hazel alot. I pray God loves her with all he has.

Right now my adventure is finding what I want and figuring out how I want to get it. This is also what I am encouraging my actors to do in the one act that I am directing called Check Please! It’s a play about a series of really bad dates, and is a very popular one act performed on the high school level. I am trying to get the actors in the play to be themselves. When an actor isn’t believable I think it’s usually because he or she is trying too hard. Recently I have been letting myself quit trying. Now I don’t meaning I’m hiding or avoiding but, not trying so hard to make whatever situation I’m in a good scene. In acting and in life I think it’s easy to forget who we are. The awesome part of being who we are is that we don’t have to do a damn thing, we just are and that’s fascinating, trying to hard alters and hides that side of us. I’d like to think a lot of these thoughts have been due to some great conversation with Brette Goldstein who Kim Bartling had come to USF and was made available to anyone on campus who wanted to learn about cast calling or business, or acting in general. Brette is a casting film agent from New York. What I liked the most about her was that we just talked. Important things on my mind made her list. Her list seemed to be that whatever we were about at the time was worth talking about, and it was something that could become powerful in our lives. She called David Bowe a woodland elf creature. Very personable lady, I was impressed at how well she relates and keeps a classroom interesting. I screwed the idea of possibly going to other colleges this year, USF is where it’s at and it keeps offering great opportunities to grow as an individual.

I feel that I am starting to find what world I want to live in. My mom has always told me that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Most of my life I have appreciated the encouragement but have had a different translation for what she said. What I heard was that if you try really hard and have a goal hopefully some good things will happen to you along the way and you’ll end up having an awesome life. I think that’s still true actually, but that only has to be possible if that’s the world you want to enter. I now believe what my mom said. I believe we have the actual chance to do what we want to. To do that I believe I have to know what I want, and how I want to get there. The way I want to get their right now is by directing my one acts, and working diligently on all my end of the year projects. I want to watch the humans as I walk around USF and see what encounters happen and learn more about humanity. The world and life I want is right in front me. And I am more excited about diving into than anything else right now.

DMV

Got my new license turned 21 not to long ago. At the DMV I sat by a man named Bill Jacobs from Hartford, SD. He lived in Hartford for 62 years. He loves coming to Sioux Falls (with his wife I believe) and going to places like the convention center. Said he served in World War Two and was placed in Guam. I wasn't sure about his sensibilities so didn't ask him if he was fighting or what his position was. He said he was drafted through Canton. He remembers a Hoff that was drafted as well who has been the warden at the state prison for years now. Saw Hazel in the hospital. She was a lot more talkative and moving a little today than earlier this week. She told me to hold on to my faith and that what we have is from above. I'm so incredibly blessed to have my Great Grandma Hazel. My buddy Zach Huntley and I jammed out with his guitar playing. Dudes got skill.

These days

These days are busy as hell. I may be getting a small taste of what Kim Bartlings life is like. I have been consumed with homework consisting of calling actors, reading plays, directing scenes, writing poetry and going to poetry readings, writing papers, walks to black sheep, working in the admission office, eating hy-chi, and playing intramural basketball three times a week. And I am a Resident Advisor so I’m always dealing with my jackass residents (the true face of these Jackasses would be Nathan Schlatter and Grant Schouten) I know that Kim Bartlings life is still a lot more hectic than mine and she is an amazing lady! Today I got a flip phone and a tri pod which jacks me out of my mind. I had no idea I had ordered a mini tri pod that was only about the size of the pencil but it’s really pretty neat. Thanks for helping me save money you know who. And your still a wimp.
Today’s interesting fact is a rumor that I investigated to see if it was true. It turns out we have a teacher here named Ceca Cooper and she taught Wes Anderson at a school called St. Michael or Johns I can’t remember for sure. It was a very prestigious prep school and she failed Wes Anderson in history. He would usually just sit in class look around not listening. The faculty had Wes Anderson meetings for about 8 weeks and then eventually kicked him out of the school. She said her husband was Anderson’s creative writing teacher and he actually applied himself and liked that class very much. So if you are a Wes Anderson fan you now realize that some of these details are what his movie Rushmore is based off of. So what’s the moral? Screw your teachers, make clubs and become a famous movie director?
I have been thinking about faith as of lately. What it means? My most recent translation is that it is letting God pour into me in admittance that I don’t really know what faith is suppose to look like. So it’s letting him pour into me not just in prayer but in all phases of my life. An example would be my dad picking me up from school when I was little. Sometimes I would just sit there and wait patiently. It’s possible that work ran late that day. I would be tempted to get up and run home in fear that he wouldn’t come and I would be left alone. Now I can’t remember a time my dad didn’t pick me up on time, and I know that’s not true for all people. But faith in God is trusting that he is a father that will never forget to pick me up on time, and his timing may not be what I want, but giving into what I want over him is a lack of faith, an abandonment from God were we run towards our own evil desires and passions. The inspirations for my current stances are Kim Bartling, bible study with Jeff Ballard and Zach Huntley, the book Sula written by Toni Morrison, Elliot Smith, the movie Rushmore, and any experience when I'm quiet. Thanks for introducing me to Toni Morrison Mike!

Natures Kiss
Invisible birds make music close by
Solemnly making his mark
Like fireworks that spark
A symphony of birds play to the tune of a blooming sky
To look out and wonder
Like there was thunder
Do they take turns?
Do they stand in lines?
Their harmony feels like grass on a wet field
Early morning
How often is it like this?
Natures Kiss

Give me a BREAK!

Its my spring break. This has been a great time to catch up on homework, room cleaning and baseball with my grandpa Al. My current prediction is Butler will win the college basketball tournament. Today I went on a walk to bagel boy this morning. Read my backward forward text for directing, did some out fielding with my grandpa and hit up chili's with grandma and grandpa. Then returned to more homework. My favorite theme in the backward forward textbooks was how it talks about work ethic. If you put in little effort that is what you will get. So the book had a lot of good things to say about directing and was motivational. This semester has been challenging but these are my favorite classes I have taken so far and it is worth it. I love intro to lit and have been doing poetry in my free time and have really been enjoying that. I also made a video based on actual experience at chapel here, it was a testimonial video and portrays how I came to Christ and quit smoking marijuana. It is fun making videos at school because I am in charge of a freshman dorm, my actors live right next door to me and who doesn't want to be in a movie! Being an Ra for freshman has been a joy. I am fortunate to have already been accepted for the job next year as well.
p.s. I lost my keys and my glasses this week, not much has changed.

Kevin Cole told me to start writing. Thank you sir

These are some of my poems that I have been writing. I feel that when I have an experience and write it down, it helps me understand what I am feeling, or what I have learned.

Joel (living)-“we see the most real things when we aren’t creating our own world.”
Letting it be in my walk
I have a great day
I didn’t try to shove anyone out of my way
External noises are kept to a minimum and mostly natural
I let the puzzle come in time
Not worried about whether it will rhyme
An inner peace that calms within
A new day and a new feeling that’s never been
Let the odds be unknown and the encounters lived
Sitting next to me is substance
Without focus this is missed
Deep in the heart I know this is where I belong
If I don’t always try to be right, then I will never be wrong
So I play my role and accept who I am
And feel so blessed to have a new friend.

Absorbed
Trapped by the music I walked outside
Thinking of all the things I hide
I cringe when I suspect she’s at the rink
Should I walk down their I double think
I take a left to avoid the shame of walking alone and thinking about her
North Dakota plates I see, wherever I go there she be.
I see the freedom gas station ahead, my life has changed, new plans were conceived.
My freedom was not inside the store, but the sounds of the city reminded me more.
I’d found it before but walked away. I was stuck in a frame.
The sound of nothing still had sound.
I walked very slowly on the ground.
I found myself happy without a smile.
Before I had been stuck inside myself, it’s dreadful when you can’t think of anything else.

Flight Home

The morning was interesting we woke up at 6:30 in the morning right before we had to leave. Are taxi cab driver drove like a damn animal. We hopped on the plane and I loved the ride. I got inspiration for acting in one of the magazines I was reading about this guy who burned himself with cigarettes for a role, and it didn’t even actually make the movie. I read my script and thought about the relationship between Bernie and Sarah in the play that I am in. It was a very soothing trip with naps integrated throughout the ride. I thought about all the sounds I heard in New York on the ride. I loved the sound of the busy city, the honking of the horns, and the whooshing of the semis. I came home and ate at Chili’s with my grandpa which is exactly what we did the day before I left. We had a great time catching up. I found out that he is being let go from his job of 39 years I believe. He has already been hired for a job that he can work at from his desk at home (probably in his pajama pants) and I got him a new coffee cup to set the mood for his new place of work. My grandpa’s hard work has always been an inspiration to me, I am a better person because I know he wakes up so early for work and hardly will I ever here him complain. When he talks to me at the end of the day he usually will mention that he had a great workout or we will talk about sports and plays. His only flaw is that he almost never fools me with his changeup when we play baseball at the park by the house (actually he almost always gets me to whiff at least once). I got to give my grandma some chocolates that night from New York which she loved, she is a chocolate nut and proud of it. I thought of my grandma in New York a lot too and how she is always on the go, and it made me want to make sure to make the most of my opportunities. Before I went to bed we made plans to go to cracker barrel in the morning. It’s great to be home, and I miss New York. This experience has been great, I truly believe these chances to travel are as good as you make them out to be. Whether I am on the road or at home I will always be traveling after my dreams and am excited for new adventures.

Its my last day in New York!

This is my New York rendition of Hark the Herald Angels Sing
It’s my last day in New York.
And out of nowhere it’s really cold.
My hands are freezing i won’t lie, probably feels like South Da Kota.
So on this bench I'll stay, writing next to the subway
When I get home it will be this cold
O my gosh that's really sad
We’re eating Cuban with Kim again
Talkin bout how wonderful New York’s been
How wonderful New York’s been
With Three girls and Four Men.
THE END
Today we ate some wonderful Cuban food with Kim. Mariah and I split a quesadilla and a diablo sandwich, also known as the DEVIL SANDWHICH, Mariah and I are sandwich sinners! Then Kim took us to eat the best cupcakes in New York City, literally they won an award. She was good friends with are waitress. I had the flur to sel. No one talked while we ate, we just moaned because the cupcakes were that good. We came back and I did the dishes in the dark with my red head lamp on while I listened to a variety of song including I’m yours, I’m big in Japan, Alice, and Stand by me. Later on I gave a pizza went out on the streets and gave a pepperoni pizza to Angel and Nathaniel. Angel and Nathaniel stay on the trains at night. Nathaniel has odd jobs around the west village. The two are well known in the community and people are often willing to help them. They say the community has got considerably better in the last ten years. It has been rough lately because it is so cold outside. Later on in the night I went to a show with Kim called Oh, Those Beautiful Weimar Girls! I’m not sure what I saw. I am going to have to look up some stuff and learn about it more. The singing was good, the dancing was violently beautiful, and there was a lot of nudity. I’m glad this was my last show, I feel like this was important and I’m excited to learn and see more plays like this.
Kim Bartling. Yesterday I saw her while I was on my way to my church group and she was hurrying to a dance class for New York Cares. Today I saw her shake someone’s hand on her street and see how they were doing? These seem like small things. She was a great example for us on this trip Whenever I felt that I wanted to take a day to recuperate because my right knee hurt and thought the cartilage in my knee that was tore from a football injury in high school was acting up, but I just decided to suck it up instead like Kim. I don’t cry much and sometimes I wonder why but I was on the verge of tears thinking about it and experiencing all I got to do up here.

Its my last day in New York!

Greenwhich Village College Group

Today I headed to Harlem again. I was on my way to Fredrick Douglas Circle and got sidetracked again. I saw a sign that led to the Hudson River. So I enjoyed the beautiful view from Riverside Park which was a site in itself. A nice lady named Eileen took pictures for me. She said that South Dakota was a great place. We were both so excited to be enjoying the beautiful snowy site at the park. I was very intrigued when I saw two people at the park with fishing poles, string, and hoops lying on the ground. I asked them what they were doing. They were practicing fly fishing and said they had been fishing all their lives, mainly in the ocean. I read that it isn’t really a big deal to know how to fly cast well. While good casters do catch more fish bad casters still catch some. Learning how to fly cast well is something that gives fisherman enjoyment and satisfaction in a job well done. After this I took the subway home, but this time when I got off the S shuttle there was a music group called Spank playing some old time favorites. There is usually someone playing their everyday but I could not ignore them and neither could anyone else there was a huge crowd. When I was there they sang Duke of Earl, My Girl, and Rockin Robin. They sang a lot of great stuff I was there for about two hours and bought one of their CD’s. After this I found out from Taylor Calmus that he had made a gumball monologue based off of a short improve skit that I had been involved in while trying out for Darfur. He got a role in a Student Film when he used it for his tryout. I finally got to read the scene he wrote for it today and it was brilliant. I’m glad that what seemed to be a meaningless skit for fun traveled out to L.A. I read some of my classmates’ awesome blogs today and studied my lines for a couple hours. After this I went back to the church I attended Sunday for youth group. The kids at the bible studies names were Jon, Paul, James, Matthew, Peter and Jesus. Just kidding but there was a Jon, Paul, and James who I got to talk with a lot. We talked about Football, Basketball, our majors, computers, bacon, God, plays, and cooking. These guys were awesome and I wished I would have known them so we could have watched the Jets game together. We had an absolute blast we ate corn, meatballs, and mashed potatoes. We had an interesting bible study, and then chatted for awhile afterwards. I had a great connection with a girl named Laura who is going to school for dance. The school she is going to is pretty tough and the teachers are harsh, she is a senior and is excited to finish her last semester. I am the actor but she has seen a lot more shows than I have, but I have seen Wicked so she was way Jealous. She said some of the shows I should see are Frankenstein, Fiddler on the roof, The Sound of Music, and some Shakespeare show I wrote it down. We did dishes together for about an hour and decided that it was a lot more fun to clean other people’s houses. They invited me on a church ski trip over the weekend but unfortunately we are leaving, they told me to come back to their church and group the next time I am in the city. It felt great to sit down and make a good connection with some of the wonderful residents of New York.
I feel like this trip has taught me that when you can accept people’s differences and truly get to know them that the relationship can turn into something beautiful. I find by defeating this fear of everyone not being like you, life is a lot more enjoyable and extremely interesting at its core.
BACON MONOLGUE
Would you eat bacon raw? It’s so good. I was watching this show where a guy killed a pig and ate the bacon raw. It looked so cool so I thought to myself I have to try this. So I tried it, and it actually didn’t taste as good as I thought, but the thought of it was so cool that I just kept doing it anyway, and eventually I ended up loving it. What you gotta do at least the first time you eat it is put it in between two pieces of bread, because it doesn’t bite the same way as cooked bacon, it’s a lot more stringy. You gotta try it thought it’s seriously the best way to eat bacon.

Rain Poncho

Mariah and I traveled back to Incarnation school in Queens to play with kids. Duck Duck Goose and Simon says are games that we should play even at this age, it’s a killer workout. This is my second time at Incarnation school and some of the kids like to call me by the name of monkey. There are so many great adults involved in these NY care programs. On the way home Mariah taught me how to shop and I saved more money buying Pizza’s then I ever dreamed I could. Mariah got to work with a group of people with Aids through the NY cares program and has become passionate about that and is excited to learn more. I enjoyed my time with Mariah and am blessed to get to spend time with such a good person. I went and enjoyed Time Square again tonight. I had a great time looking around and picking up some cool stuff from my favorite Broadway store. I felt at home in the city tonight. I sat on the bench waiting for the subway on 50th street and contemplated whether I wanted to get on it yet, I felt like I could have sat there forever. I enjoyed the site of Times Square more than I have any other night. I enjoyed being in the city, I felt at home.
Today’s realizations
1rst day without Dr. Pepper
I didn’t realize the Rangers were here
We didn’t buy a cactus
Believe in each other
Smile at the sky
Mom and Pop stop and shop and it’s not too hot
Love your seat
Get some rest

Damn we only joking stay broke then

Today I woke up and headed to the famous Rucker Park. It was a work out I did a lot of walking in Harlem. The court is named after Harlem teacher Holcombe L. Rucker, who started a basketball tournament in 1950 at the court in order to help less fortunate kids stay off the streets and do well in school. Some great players have developed their skills at Rucker Park like Allen Iverson, Wilt Chamberlain, Julius Erving, Pee Wee Kirkland, Jamal Mashburn, and Malik Sealy. I know Kobe has played there before, he is lucky he wasn't there or i would have dominated him. After this we got to see our friends we handed sandwiches to at Broadway Church of Christ. This is something I'm glad that I was part of. It's inspiring and something that I can bring home to my own community in some way. After this I sprinted to 46th street in Times Square to meet Jon where he was waiting for me so we could both enter the lottery to try and get two tickets for the show in the heights. Jon was the winner of the lottery this time and we received two cheap tickets. I don’t really know how to explain the play; I just know that it won my heart. My favorite scenes were 96,000 and the Dance Club scene. My favorite actor was Robin De Jesus who played Sonny. He was hilarious, and also almost brought me to tears for the first time during a show up here and has inspired me to take a dancing class. After the play I got to talk with one of my favorite actors from the Disney channel Corbin Bleu, who played Usnavi the same character I played at school. He was almost more excited to meet me then I was him. He took pictures and autographs with us, he was genuinely interested in getting to know you, and took his time with each person. He thought it was hilarious that I told him we looked a lot alike when I shaved and had a huge afro. The whole cast was like this, I won’t forget their kindness, and appreciation for their fans. This night really made my trip; it was fun to see the whole production of something that I had been a part of at school. I could feel the power of the show from Sioux Falls, and finally got to experience it tonight. I believe that theatre can change the world. I believe In the Heights is changing the world.
Strength Monologue
Can I have your attention for a moment please? I am sorry if I’m bothering anyone. I’m sorry if I am making anyone feel uncomfortable or disturbing anyone. I’m asking if anyone has some extra money to spare, a $1, a quarter, a penny. That is if you feel comfortable enough and can afford or want to give. I’m trying to make a good impression. I don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of you. I’m sorry, but I’m nervous, I’m trying to make a good impression so I can earn your time, so I can earn your money.

West Village livin

We went to a fountain house today which is a place that helps people with dissabilities. It was founded by Jon Beard and the program started in 1948. His belief was that the best way to help improve people with dissabilities lives was to have them work. We got a tour from Ben who has been in the program for a long time. He was an excellent tour guide and is doing well enough were he can live on his own and handle his own money. Most of the people that work their have some type of dissability. Suzie the director said that her favorit part of the job was seeing the members lives improve. Some people in the program weren't able to take care of themselves at all, and now they have decided to get a paying job and live in an apartment on their own. We ate Cuban food in Soho. I had perhaps the most delicious sandwhich of my life. We also had some corn with parmesian cheese and chili power, it was pretty good, but my aunt Anna could still top it. After this I tried to find my way back to the apartment and my way just happened to walk by one of the sites i had been meaning to see, so I walked the Williamsburg bridge today as well. Listening to the cars woosh and the wind surround my body was enough to make me happy. I think everyone I walked by was wearing an I pod. New York! New York! Goodnight blooooog

Poor Brad

I went to Neighborhood Church of Greenwhich Village. It was an interesting service. A beautiful Cello was being played. The sermon bashed Oprah, Tiger Woods, and Billy Graham. It wasn't for me, but at the same time I still liked the people alot. They invited me to come to a meal thursday and to play Ping Pong at some Jazz club. The rest of the day was simply chips,pop, and football. I was wrong on both of my predictions, damn those Colts look good. I think it's a shame the Vikings lost. I talked to Brad during most of the second half, and I feel for the guy, poor Brad.

Backscratcher scene 1
Hulio: Hey Tolkein
Tolken: Hey Fellas
Stanley: Hows it goin Tolkein
Tolken: Great what are you guys up to?
Stanley: Me and Hulio just won a backscratcher, Hey Stanley, let me try
Hulio: Dis is my scratcher I won it
Stanley: That's not fair because you got the root beer, but I bought the case-
Hulio: Son you dont even know , you got that case for free
Stanley: I pitch in and give you a case, and it was to contribute to your gift to make it ours, this was done from the bottom of my heart. Because of your disrespect-
Hulio: No respect!
Stanley: Because of your disrespect! we must battle.
Tolken: You guys can't be serious, don't go through with this we are friends.
Hulio: Mwa!
Stanley: I will meet you outside by the cougar in 10 minutes
End scene 1

Slowing Down

Mariah and I went to Brooklyn today and played volleyball with elementary kids. Of course it was a great time and I think the kids and adults have improved volleyball skills. I thought it was interesting to hear that one of the kids, Alfonso who is in fifth grade actually hounded the teachers and head organizers of the school about starting a weekend program for the kids until it became a reality. I also went down to Battery Park today. In the middle of the park there was a piece of art that at first glance looked like a broken apple, but it was a sculptor that stood in the plaza of the World Trade Center Entitled “The Sphere”, it was conceived by artist Fritz Koenig as a symbol of world peace. It was damaged during the tragic events of September 11, 2001, but endures as an icon of hope and indestructible spirit of this country. Today my research consisted of finding out that the Jets coaches get together and smoke Cuban cigars and discuss defense. In the defensive meeting room, their first rule is that players must have skin like an armadillo, and even though armadillos have shells, not skin, they constantly make this point clear. Players even get fined for being too sensitive. They should make an armadillo with a cigar in his mouth the new mascot. This city is jacked about the Jets right now, even the Giants fans are claiming to be Jet fans. Kim suggested that we all go see a show called Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind. Coming to the realization that Kim always suggests great shows I said yes. This group we saw was called NY NEO-FUTURISTS. It had a great variety of skits, 30 of them, and the audience picked which one they did by yelling what number we wanted every time the word curtain was said, and the goal was to perform all of them within 60 minutes. It was 11 bucks to go to this show and it was flipping awesome. Not only that but we were allowed to come right up on the stage afterwards and interact with the actors, and got free pizza! Wooo! I also got a wrinkled up paper because I am a big lebowski fan (don’t ask why). My favorite part was a monologue one guy did about being here, and performing tonight with the hope of making some kind of connection. I feel like what these people are doing is important and hope I get to see another performance one more time before I leave.
When you tell someone in New York City that you are from South Dakota they become interested. One of the questions they ask is, so you think you are going to move out here after college? So here are my thoughts about this question
We talk at USF how theatre is supposed to be a thing that changes you. Being here has really heightened my awareness to things I didn’t really put much thought to before, and I appreciate all the opportunities I have had up here. I am also realizing more fully that the beauty of being aware is that it can lead to actual change. I enjoy Sioux Falls, and I enjoy New York. I don’t have a preference of one over the other; I really enjoy different aspects of both places. The feel of New York is a lot different than Sioux Falls; both places have something to learn from each other. The benefit of having lived in both places is experience, with this experience you will be able to relate better with both places. For example, I finally feel like I have a little better grip on what Kim is talking about in home when she speaks of theatre translating to change. So to answer the question, I don’t know if I will move out here, maybe. I am not planning on it, and I’m not worried about where I live. The traveling is too help me broaden my horizons to the world’s style and condition so that I can be the best Eric I can be wherever I live. Go Jets! Go Vikes! My predictions won’t make much sense to any. I am going to go with the J-e-t-s pounding the Colts, and the Vikings barely beat the Saints! Crazy I know. Goodnight blog!

Sun of Morning

Today Kim brought us to Carnegie Hall and we got a tour of the place and checked out some of their beautiful theatres. They were huge and they made me want to get on the stage and dance. It was a huge and breathtaking site; I think I could have sat at the top of one of those theatres all day. They talked about how about 700 different acts are performed in their venue a year, and that sometimes they have as many as 11 going into a day. I thought wow, how can a place be so successful for so long, what is it that really binds this place and makes it so special. So I asked our tour guide what makes the place so great and he says that it’s the sound the orchestra can produce in their theatres, it’s just a really special experience for the audience and the performers. After this Jon and I ate at stardust which is a place where struggling actors wait tables and sing different songs from musicals, and popular songs. I took the Staton Island Ferry with Jon to; it was about an hour ride there and back. It was nice and calming and I had a really good time getting to talk to Jon and get to know him better. After that I did a little line memorization and then did another awesome New York Cares project. I went to Booker T. Washington School and did arts and crafts with 3rd through 5th graders. I got to work with Leo, Adrian and Sherrington. My favorite part was probably writing an every other sentence story with Adrian. We wrote a story about a huge turtle that lived next door to the three little pigs that happened to owe a very big wolf some money, at the end of the story the pigs pin the wolf with a wrestling move and win. Freedom! I attempted to get into the Lakers and Knicks game but it was sold out, on the plus side I did get to see Walt Frazier an old player for the Knicks. Also at New York cares I had a good time chatting before and after with a fellow actress Mary Boies. She was just in her first movie not too long ago, it’s not out yet but is called Sun of Morning, she was a lovely lady and I really enjoyed talking to her, she let me know some other nice parks to go to! I hope to see her doing well with her career! Goodnight blog!

Experience

I watched some of Taylor Calmus short films today and Zach Galifianakis standup comedy. Ushered smudge and it definitely wasn’t as good as last time, I felt it lacked passion and they were trying to just get through it. I gave a homeless guy a couple of sandwiches, it felt good when I saw that he had a wife to share with, they were both very thankful and so was I. He was standing at this hotel all day opening the door for people holding a cup with a little change. I have really become overcome with sadness about the condition of the needy and homeless people I have seen up here. I see so many people that are asking for extra change. Some people sitting against walls at the subway that can’t even talk. While some of these people seem very helpless, some of them appear to be the happiest people I have ever met. I’m so lucky, and I am just trying to think of constructive ways I can help here and also when I come home. Perhaps I can help through the arts; I want to write something in a form of art pertaining to the needy and homeless. This experience has made me step back and think about how I use my time. I think in the search of meaning and purpose it’s important that we live out our passions, but I don’t think truth is found if we live out our passions just for ourselves. Here is a quote from one of my favorite movies Rushmore that has spoken to me tonight. "When one man, for whatever reason, has an opportunity to live an extrodinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."

Harlem

Yesterday I ventured to Harlem. My original plan was to walk to Fredrick Douglas Circle. On my way I ran into a statue of Duke Ellington. It says he was orchestra leader, Pianist and Composer. The statue was dedicated to the Duke Ellington memorial Fund and thousands of Ellington fans around the world. The statue had Ellington standing on his Piano. I found that Ellington began taking piano lessons from Marietta Clinkscales Daisy. Ellington grew up surrounded by dignified women to make sure he had good manners and was taught to live elegantly. Ellington’s friends all noticed "his casual, offhand manner, his easy grace, and his dapper dress gave him the bearing of a young nobleman”, he gave credit to his buddy Edgar McEntree for being called the duke, and Ellington said “I think he felt that in order for me to be eligible for his constant companionship, I should have a title. So he called me Duke.” Ellington lived in Harlem for awhile trying to make it in the big time. He was very instrumental in the Harlem Renaissance and new dance crazes like the Charleston. The Charleston looks awesome I should learn it! Him and some other musicians hustled pool by day and played whatever gig they could find. After this I thought I was on my way to Fredrick Douglas circle but was mesmerized Duke Ellington Circle where I stayed for about two hours. I saw a man sitting on a bench with a book and looking out at the lake in the middle of the park. He could have done this a million times for all I know, but he was staring at the beauty of the lake like it was his first. I really enjoy what I have seen of Harlem, their school has good programs for kids, and their parks are beautiful. I also went to queens and played with first and second graders. What a great time, these kids loved the game eye spy. From this experience I learned that it is no easy task keeping 50 little kids under control, you have to be fun, but you have to find a way to mean business or it gets insanely crazy. I had a good conversation with a friend and fellow actor Taylor Calmus, he gave me some much needed advice, he told me to learn all that you I can in college especially in my acting class because It will really help me down the road if I take it seriously. He also told me directors are looking for someone that has the passion and focus to make something great. We started talking about our acting careers, mine at USF and his in California. It was fun to hear that he was a double for someone and had a line delivered to him from Jennifer Love Hewitt and that he has been doing some stunt work, I was always really honored to work with him, he was very focused but always brought a sense of energy and fun to the theatre department. I was productive and got my first scene of lines memorized for Warn.

Read Martin Luther King’s Love your enemies’ speech. Race walked with Kim to Chelsea Pier, Kim is the fastest walker I have ever witnessed. We Fed the needy at Broadway Christ Church always a joy to join former USF alum associate pastor Travis. Drama book store.

I was reading a book called transformational acting at the drama bookstore. I went there with the hopes of gaining some insight on how to become an incredible actor on this journey I am on. Now last week I felt like when I was reading at the store that I was growing as an actor by the page because of all the secrets that where being unleashed to me through the authors experience. Tonight I came to what I like to call my most recent incorrect conclusion. My newest conclusion decided that my thoughts at the bookstore the other day were triggered by the excitement to learn, but at the same time were dead wrong. I think that latching on to everything you read and assuming it as full truth would be giving up your gift. I believe our gift is to find out what makes us click as actors through experience. This gives us our freedom, it allows us to be unique and different from anyone else we know without even trying. It’s the power that allows us to appreciate movies that nobody likes, it’s what allows us to enjoy homework assignments that nobody likes, it allows us to like people that nobody likes, and it allows us to save 16 bucks. I want to be my own author.
"I do believe in the mysteries of things, about myself and the things I see. I enjoy being puzzled and arriving at my own incorrect conclusions."-Tom Waits

Five guys!

Read articles on Guantanamo Bays suspected mistreatment of inmates at my intership today. Ate at 5 guys. Met a guy who is reading the shack talked to him for awhile. Five guys was neat, you could have peanuts when you waited for your order. I got a burger and fries and couldnt finish my meal and if you know me this is quite a feat for five guys. I also got an idea for a scene when i was eating. Went to two hours of different sketch comedy acts tonight. My favorite was an act based on the actual main characters exploits, which consisted of a funny,comical, and in search of meaning life, I hope things turn out well for her. The legs are dead today, shin splints got me good. Night Blog, you've been a good friend.

SHOMER SHABAS

Donny asked me if i wanted to bowl on saturday and i told him I couldn't because of Shomer Shabas and he said whats that so i said Saturday Donny, is shabbas. The Jewish day of rest. That means I don't work, I um, don't drive a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit DON'T ROLL!

Cathedral of Saint Patrick church was huge. It had a neat set up and the choir was wearing terrific outfits. I was exceptionally bored but on guard and attentive because I wasn’t at my church and was with other people. I love my church back home, and this service was a more stoic serious church, which I also appreciate every once in awhile. For the NFC the Vikings played very impressively today. The Saints also played well yesterday but I feel the Vikings beat a more worthy opponent. The Vikings will have their hands full next week but I predict that they will win 28-27 in a thriller comeback. As far as the AFC goes I hope that the Jets take the AFC. This way the Vikings who are pretty much Sioux Falls home team, will play the Jets who is my vacation team, what a coincidence. Also a great story because Favre played for the Jets last season and didn’t even make the playoffs. Today I kept the Sabbath Holy with church, chips, cherry dr.pepper, and football. Today I meditated on strength and I thought of my Great Grandma Hazel, she is a special lady and is very strong willed. Sometimes she gets knocked down, but she gets up again, and this is something I think often and can apply to my life. I ask anyone who reads this to keep her in prayers. Thank you! What's living if you never pull down your shorts and slide on the ice blog!

80-78, but they cheated at the end!

Terrell had the ball at the top of the key. He tapped both sides of his head to call a play. He passed it to the wing to Percy. Percy drove to the hole and dished it to Damian on the corner. Damian drove towards the hoop and attempted to make a layup. This is where I stepped in and swatted Damian and told him to get out of my house, Damian told me the next time he came to the hole that he was going to windmill dunk on me. I went to Harlem today to play games at Mosaic elementary school, with 3rd through 5th graders. We played soccer, basketball and kickball. These kids had crazy energy, and I am pretty confident they could beat my high school basketball team, wow they had game! I was the star for the adult team, after the game Percy asked me if I played basketball and he wondered how I made all my shots. I said “I was a football player, and that most of the shots I was making were layups and that I wasn’t that good of a shot” he said “that’s true.” My favorite part of the day was playing with Jacob who came with his Dad who helped run the program and he was in pre kindergarten. We passed his truck back in forth making crazy car sounds, he said “your good at this game!” we both tried to fit inside of the toy car but we couldn’t. These kids inspired me and brought out passion and energy in me we should all have. I never want to forget Frankie who helped me with my jump shot, Jacob who ran around trying to be one of the guys and put a smile on everyone’s face who saw him even if for only a glimpse, Damian who asked me if I was ready for another butt whooping, Terrell who was the most skilled point guard I have seen at his age, Abba showing joy in his smile the whole time, the basketball coach telling me I played ball like a New Yorker, the kids tackling me in a collective effort to keep me from scoring at the end of the game and losing a heart breaker 80-78. This is one of the best days I’ve ever had, kids are Awesome! Goodnight blog!

Damian got game

Dorothy is lame

Went to the Brooklyn Bridge on this beautiful day, no need for a coat today. Walked across loving the cold wind on my back, looking at the Ocean gave me the cool comfortable feeling of being at Rush Lake, Minnesota with my family. After that we recieved great service at a coffee house with some cheap pop and great burgers. We stood in line with at least 100 people attempting to get lottery tickets at lotto, i had a feeling a would win out of the ten that did, and i did. I met a guy named Kevin in line who was just as jacked as I was, said he has lived in New Jersey for 30 years now and that America was a good country, he brought his wife to the play, he said "you da man Eric!" I won two tickets and took Jordan to the play with me. We sat in the front row, the play was beautiful, we could see the band in the pit right in front of us, and the begginning of a play started with a monkey jumping right in my face. I am in love with both witches. I have always claimed that if i could have a different life that I would be a witch and go to a school of magic like Harry Potter, seeing this play makes spells even more cool than Hermoine Granger makes them seem. My god it was good! Goodnight!! see ya in the morning Harlem!

The Big Lebowski

Went to internship today with Haley, worked for six hours. Watched Obama speech. What he says rings true to me. Obama talked about the advancement of the United States,the world, and the individual. Its a good job but i feel as if we are blocked off fromt the rest of the world in the office, the birds dont stay out at night here. Introduced Jordan to The Big Lebowski, yes i brought that movie on my trip to New York. I made a couple new discoveries, i have seen the movie probably 100 times, mostly in 6th grade. I now realize that the old veteran bowling at the end of the movie has a beer,a small bag, and a can of pop that donnie liked to drink in his bowling lane. I wonder to myself why these objects are their. My best guess is their are only two drinks because somehow the Dude and Walter were everywhere together,which symbolizes one person, when they are apart all that means is they are more geared to that part of their personality at the time,the slice can is their for the rememberance of Donnie. I also realized that on my DVD Walter says the man in the black pajamas, i could be wrong but i believe on the VHS version he says man in the white pajamas. Bought a huge cookie from Rockos. Goodnight!!

Banana pancakes? No! Banana cupcakes are better!

Fire trucks surrounded the neighborhood as Jon and I had stepped out the door to go to the New York Fire Museum. We saw the evolution of fire trucks, well, they eventually became trucks. It started by throwing water out of buckets to pumping the water out of a wagon like object. The truck model basically arrived in 1910 and even though it is very basic it is still pretty much the same set up as the fire truck today. Our tour guide said that as part of his training when he was a firefighter he had to run around the block with fire gear on and an axe around the block. I’m just imagining all the possible harm I could cause with my poor ability with any kind of tool. We saw pictures and debris from 9/11. 343 firefighters died that day, I came to tears instantly reading the letters people still come and leave to their loved ones at the museum. I’m very sad that people are capable of causing this type of pain to an entire city.

Chinese food was eaten by our group in Chinatown tonight, it was good, not as good as it is back home, but it was good. My legs are tired. I started writing a script about a person who is called blue man, and he likes Dr. Pepper. We played the card game speed tonight. I lost more than I won, Ann is pretty good. I was reading the Foreword to my book Sula again and it says, “I was living in Queens while I wrote Sula. Every rent payment was an event; every shopping trip a triumph of caution over the reckless purchase of a staple. The best news was that this was the condition of every single/separated female parent I knew. The things we traded! Time, food, money, clothes, laughter, memory-and daring.” This may not pertain to my situation at all, but right now I have 20 dollars a day spending limit to make my money last. My mind is filled with the homeless we see on the streets; the most obvious thing this city has taught me is that I am incredibly lucky to have the life I do. I’m hitting that wall now, Goodnight blog!

morning, French Toast! I saw Jordan posted about man yelling at taxi so I have one from today to add. Mad man walking by park yelling at taxi said, “Go back to school and learn how to do something else than bang on your horn….retards.” Washington square, checked out the beautiful site again, saw the birds with green and purple necks all over this dudes body feeding them. Sitting and enjoying the beautiful day on my bench at the park reminded me of the movie Burn After Reading where people meet for online dating. Also went to Christopher Park which had an interesting piece of art there. It was called Gay Liberation by George Segal; it said “Segal’s conception for gay liberation is typical of his work. Four figures-two standing malist two seated females-are positioned on the northern boundary of the park, in natural, easy poses. Using a process in which bronze casts are made from molds from the human models, Segal tempers the realistic surfaces with an unearthly-white painted finish. The result is specific, evocative, and understood, showing the public comfort and freedom to which the gay liberation movement aspired. Stopped at an art shop as well saw a picture of old man holding a chicken in barn, I may go back and buy it, strangely it reminded me of my resident Jason Rypkema from back at school. Ann, Jordan, and I went to Christ Broadway Church and served meals to the needy. I really can’t describe the experience in words except to say it was great. My most memorable moment is when the meals ran out and the guy in line who wasn’t going to get a meal said, “o well God’s still good, have a good day everybody!” John and I went and worked at the women’s project ushering for the play smudge. The play was depressing, and hilarious, I thought the acting was great, and the simple stage was used well. We had a New York slice of pizza after we got off the subway. Memorized some lines for acting. My kind of day, GOoodnight New York!

War...huh!

Kim hooked Haley and I up with an internship with the culture project today! Research was the agenda. The most interesting thing I came upon was a nobel peace prize speech given by Harold Pinter. He is a writer, and it was a speech against primarily the U.S war tactics, writing plays is also incorporated into his speech to demonstrate self, and our role in the world. He talked about writing plays and says he honestly isnt quite sure how he comes up with them. He says it comes out of the blue really. For one of his plays the homecoming, he thought of a line which was what have you done with the scissors. He knew the person that this line was said to didnt give a damn about the scissors. He saw differently lightings and different kinds of rooms. He didnt even know his characters names until the story continued. At one moment he thought that one person was a father and the other a son, but he had no proof really until they indicated it verbally, and once that happened he decided it was reasonable to assume that they were father and son. He doesnt even know the characters or what they will do. This was really interesting for me to stumble upon, because i have been writing scenes to film. I have been planning alot and drawing from alot of my own experiences, some made up, but some have really happened. It was really enlightening to read about how the characters in his story really have no existence until they come about in his play. I feel that writing about more than you know, and expanding thoughts to unfamiliar places and letting your imagination guide can lead you to important questions.
When Haley and i headed back and talked about all the different foods we loved, ethiopian, chinease, cuban, thai. We made it the whole way home without giving into a shop and came back to the fridge. I came in the house and made French Toast with peanut butter and it was unbelievable, some of the best i have ever made. There is still some batter left for the early morning to come.
After this we went with Kim to our New York cares orientation. It is exciting to know we get to work and help out with this organization, tomorrow Jon and I will be ushering at the show smudge. Jon spent 17 bucks at Mcdonalds, wow! I went down to the deli near by and talked with my cashier buddy Eddie. He told me China town is were its at. I found out that Eddie is married and he works part time four times a week at this deli. He also works at a great breakfast place, he made food for awhile but business has went down and he mostly works outside bringing food in from truck shipments. He told me once business goes up he will give me a free meal down there!
I did some line memorization tonight for the play warn that I will be in when we get back to school. My goal is to get done with that and start doing character work.
New York!New York!
Goodnight fellow humans.

Remember the Sabath eat at the seinfeld restuarant

Sleep in Sunday. Read at Bleeker park close to house. Birds around me and jumping on my table and saying hi. Read some acts out of my bible. Watched the football games of course, sad that packers lost and happy for the ravens. Ate at the seinfeld restuarant, enjoyed a 5 dollar filling milkshake. Walked around central park with Teak and John. Met another man with Bear hat and his wife who was from Ireland. He talked passionatley about Dick Butkiss and some of the 85 bears. Walked the town. Found some singing joints, lips has kareokee tuesday nights. People here are awesome, they help you when you get lost. Waking up early for some kind of job with Haley that kim set up for us. WOO!

FELA!

Yes it is a new day. And I am still not over Fela!!!

Saw a man on bleeker street today. He had long dreads and I said hey man those dreads are awesome. He said Thank you and said he had been growing them for 30 years, i am now seriously considering this hair style. I am sure my grandparents will be very happy!

I sat by a New Yorker named Alan at the play Ragtime today. I think Alan has lived in New York since 79. Alan loves the city and his favorite thing to do is to go to plays like ragtime. Alan also likes to usher at non profit organizations where they show plays. There are about five china towns in New York. Alan says the one in queens is cheap. Tonight he is going to relax and prepare himself food that he has bought from there. Alan is retired and worked with the international airline, i am not sure what his title was. Now Alan enjoys traveling(for free) and bringing friends with him. I told Alan about our class and what we experienced in the city. Alan left me a with a have a great time in the city and learn alot, he said i know you will.

Da Bears! I have gotten a couple of shout outs because of my Bear apparell. One guy was in his business outfit with his girl and yelled DA Bears, of course it is a bear code of ethics thing that i do the same. He then yelled that our draft pick and Cutler will lead us to the super bowl next year, he must be right, Bear fans speak truth. Another guy shorter than me dipped down and did a two finger point at me and said Da Bears! I said Da Bears, you know it! Bear fans have faith, what a great city.

We moved to a new apartment today on bank street still in West Village. Teak and I checked out our new Deli and talked to cashier Eddie about our stay and the area, nice guy. We chilled in the apartment tonight, kicked back, watched football. When on short walk to check out area, sent Perry Street sign to my brother Perry he loved it.

The heart is good here, and so is my Dr. Pepper......Goodnight!

Boom!

Got my bagel round the corner once again this fine morning. Workout consisted of 50 pushups and sit-ups, ok I lied it was 40. I cut up my lines for the play warn I will be in next month into note cards and got some memorization in. Mariah and I walked with Kim going to different coffee places, at these places we handed out flyers for the women’s project that we will be participating in later on this month, I don’t know all the details yet except there is a dark comedy called smudge involved and we will be ushering. Now this was extraordinarily exciting for me because I love coffee. My favorite place back home is black sheep coffee. I go often with my friend Jeff, it was like walking into 10 different blacksheeps! We will move tomorrow to the part of town were these shops are, this is extremely exciting for me! Ann the last but not least, finally arrived and is with us in New York now after her many cancelled flights back in the Midwest, good to have her! We ate at a Chinese place and had a great time; I had probably the best shrimp of my life. Jon and I sadly could not get tickets to Billy Elliot or Next to normal; time collapsed and then went to the Modern Museum of art. Some great art was present. I only knew was Pablo. My favorite work of art was this table with a flower basket on it, I have become very interested with the empty basket and am not really sure why. After this my teacher Kim invited me to see Fela! with her. I am so glad I went, it was the best thing that I have seen up here out of the three shows I have seen so far in New York, Spike Lee was at the play as well and actually got up in the middle of the show and ran around it was quite entertaining and a surprise. I’m glad I went with Kim she is fantastic with people and it’s a joy being on this trip experiencing new things she has planned for us. It has really been a great few first days and I am excited for the rest of the ride.